A robot with the performance metric of happiness

100% living in the moment. Being unapologetically myself. Not just okay with being on my own, so happy and efficient on my own. I call this my “dream phase”.

At 15 when I was in my “dream phase”, I had a specific, singular goal in sight: to get into Nanyang and kickstart my journey in Singapore.

At 18 when I was in my “dream phase”, I had emotional surges that I drained out through doodles and poetry and rambling on insta and being physically and mentally present with friends.

Now at 21, the circumstances are completely different. I have no regret for relationships nor urge for romance. No specific short-term life-changing goal except for the distant vision of getting a decent job in tech after the next three years of college. I am living with my parents, happily and peacefully. I am content with the little consistent progresses I make in my learning, career, and life. I tamed (or learned to live with) my streaming addiction using fuels of intrinsic motivation to actually learn to code. Looking back at my Spring self, distraught in the friend zone, squirming in that tiny bunk bed with a tiny phone screen, and avoiding writing actual codes at all costs, I cannot say that I have came so far, but I now have the power to keep myself on the track towards my own definition of success, not contemptuous at the fact that the society and my social circle has shaped a significant part of it.

This is a precious phase to strengthen the beams of my vision so that they will not be compromised by external judgements, ignorance or continuous failures that are yet to come. I know that going to Duke campus will change a significant part of my status quo for good or bad, but I embrace that change, just as how I have learnt to embrace the friends-turned-strangers and strangers-turned-friends in my past bewildering year. I am a strong, independent woman, ready for persistent change, excited for a future with tech.

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